Frug Street Chronicles

Mid-Town Private Parking Recipe

frugstchronicles — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:24:39 +0000

Good recipes are hard to come by, but sometimes they appear all by themselves at a dinner party or through a mutual friend. Sometimes you can come across a good one on the street, as is the story brought to you here by the Frug Street Chronicle Committee Cooking Club’s Mr X of Gordon street.

Ingredients:
A car
A scooter (preferably in working condition but not a must)
A lockable handlebar on the scooter (if inoperable a steel link chain will suffice)
General disregard to neighbors (add an angry demeanor if one is available to you)

Directions:
When meaning to leave your house take both sets of keys (car and scooter) with you, if an extra set of hands is available to you, bring them along.
Remove your car from the parking spot you wish to reserve for a later time (leave your car running in the middle of the street while other cars honk for added zest). Now cleverly park your scooter in the middle of the vacant spot. Be sure to measure the distance between the two cars and the sidewalk so as not to leave any chance for a random neighbor to occupy it while you are gone.
Lock the scooter’s handlebar to make it virtually impossible for anyone to move it without circling back into the street creating a hazard. (In a lack of a lockable handlebar use the steel chain to lock the scooter’s wheels together making it impossible to roll back onto the sidewalk)
If any neighbors call you on it, you can threaten to key their car when you get back, chances are they will try to find a safer spot on a different street.

Now get in your car, drive off and leave the scooter simmering for up to 12 hours.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again.
First failures are not uncommon in complicated recipes, so if you return to find your scooter has been moved and your parking spot gone, leave a threatening note on the occupying car’s windshield. Explain in the note, in a condescending tone, that scooters have a legitimate right to park in the street like a car and that by touching and moving your vehicle they have illegally violated your private property. You can always spice the note up with a little ‘my scooter is now damaged since you moved it’ or ‘I am considering pressing charges against you’ or even a dash of ‘I have witnesses and photographic evidence of the event’. Each one of these will ensure that said neighbor will not touch your scooter again.
Enjoy.

The Voice of Exile

frugstchronicles — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 13:18:41 +0000

The Frug Street Chronicles Committee is back and proud to announce that we are resuming blogcasts out of our newly funded Exile HQ in Gordon Street.

From our newly acquired outsider viewpoint we can now tell the tale with a bigger perspective. The new committee is committed to bringing you news & updates on the down and dirty in sector F18 of the revised Tel-Aviv map.

They may occupy our streets but they will never occupy our virtual space!

A new perspective

New posts coming soon

Trash Can Podium and the National Anthem of Puke

frugstchronicles — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 18:56:54 +0000

Now that I have quit smoking (4 weeks, 2 days and 18 hours ago, yes… cigarettes are like the girlfriend who dumped me), I try to make guests smoke out in the balcony so as not to completely ruin the smoke free / Berry Splash Glade scent mixture in my flat. Since the Israeli winter has decided to stay in Western Europe, much like other smart young citizens, this balcony smoking law isn’t really a bother and it even creates for a voyeuristic experience, like the one on Sunday night…

I was inhaling the exhaled fumes of a certain someone’s cigarette out in the balcony and beneath us, on the street, an old ragged hobo-ish woman walked up to my building’s big green trash cans. She opened one up and started to rummage between the bits of left over spit and diapers. Scavenging through the garbage with her head fully tilted into the belly of the plastic dumpster. Suddenly, she paused, lifted her head up and to the side of the trash can and puked her guts out onto the sidewalk. I was disgusted, my gag reflex was kicking in. My so called friend was laughing hysterically. The woman / creature / troll like figure just took a deep breath and immersed herself into the green fortune chest, looking for her prize. After a few seconds, again, tilt of the head, up and over and evacuation of the stomach.

This went on in cycles as she meticulously searched the insides of these fly ridden canisters. As my desire to hurl finally calmed down, I started thinking of Michael Phelps. This woman had stamina, and she was not giving up. Every time the stench of garbage got too much for her, she lifted her head, as a swimmer does gasping for air, and puked. Revitalizing herself for a few more critical seconds in which she can sink herself back in the trash and look for her hidden treasures. She did not give up, she did not move on to a more aromatic bin, she braved through the stench and scouted the miserable content.

To me this woman is like an Olympian Athlete, the Rocky Balboa of Frug Street Gypsies, Lady Gag Bag.

PS – Idea to self: ‘Survivor 6^th Street – the search for leftovers”

‘Undies and Ventilators’ Chronicles of an Urban Freelancer in TLV

frugstchronicles — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:35:21 +0000

What do the ‘Jewishly challenged’ construction workers in the adjacent building think when they see me strolling around the house in my underwear at 1 in the afternoon? Do they think Im an overpriviliged, elitist, silver spooned white boy? Do they feel jealous like I do when seeing a peer drive around a $100,000 car? Do they even care? should I even care?

After several years of working in corporate surroundings I’ve found myself freelancing for different firms and consequently working out of my home studio (very near to the Frug St. Chronicles HQ). This has made me appear to people like a bit of a bum. Since my schedule is flexible I can go to the beach, work out, meet friends or even catch a movie during regular business hours but people who grind out 9-5 jobs perceive this lifestyle as un-serious.

In respect I’d like to say that being tanned, working half naked or even just being available to talk on the phone during the day doesn’t make my work ethic diminish. On the contrary. Having so many distractions and still being able to meet deadlines and produce high quality work is much harder this way. I also never waste anyone’s time by surfing the web or small talking to receptionists.

All you enterprised bigots – you have your weekends and I have my whenevers.

Aliens spotted in Tel-Aviv

frugstchronicles — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:47:23 +0000

Our Frug Street Chronicles photographer brings this exclusive footage of aliens marching down a certain avenue of our fair city.

These lovable celebrity life forms, famed for their Facebook adoption campaign, might be planning a SECRET GLOBAL TAKEOVER.. or.. maybe they arrived with a tourist group on the 11 am AirFrance flight (our research team is.. ehm, underfunded)

We would like to conclude with a peaceful note to the aliens:

If you come in peace then.. we have a beautiful country with a beautiful peoples and we recommend you check out Efi’s Sabichhhjjj on Chernijovski near Allenby

If not, we recommend Jerusalem.

Too lazy to go to the Supermarket? Too hot to trot to the Drugstore? Not any more.

frugstchronicles — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 09:42:15 +0000

A new shortcut to Dizengoff has been discovered in Frug Street by our Committee Field Reporters through building #30

This hide – away shortcut goes round the building and into Dizengoff St. #115, beside the Idelson cafe and directly in front of the Supermarket!

Our Fact Checking team has discovered that this shortcut saves at least 171 steps to the average Frugite pedestrian.

Measurements: (from building 32 to Supermarket)

via street: 307 steps

via shortcut: 136 steps.

Shortcut directions | (map)

Step 1: Walk into building 30′s front communal yard

Step 2: Follow the path around the left side of the building, walk down the steps

Step 3: Jump over the short cement fence and follow the path to the right

Step 4: Go up the stairs and..

Step 5: Voila. Congratulate your self on a bold and daring adventure!

Water bills too high for tennants?

frugstchronicles — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 11:01:56 +0000

at 9:45 this morning a naked 20 something year old man was pulled out of Dizengoff Fountain for bathing in the nude in a public fountain in front of dozens of spectators and a Frug Street Chronicles photographer, the police cuffed the “I thought it was a bathtub left by aliens’ man, while still in the fountain, but took almost 20 minutes and 6 officers to pull him out.

The man is believed to have excellent leads to high class drugs in the Tel Aviv central area.

For more info visit him at the county jail in the next 24 – 48 hours

This item was also broadcast on channel 10 late night news (Hayom She’haya / Guy Zohar) June 22, 2009

Just a regular ‘nose diving into a parked car’ Saturday afternoon..

frugstchronicles — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 12:28:01 +0000

12:30 p.m.

A 20+ woman driving a brand new scooter gets hit by an opening car door and then smashes against a parked car on the opposite side of the street. She breaks or dislocates her shoulder and screams for on goers to call her parents living a block away. They arrive running and the father (shirtless with a chest sweater hairdo) while waiting for the ambo tries to dial 100 for the police but forgets the number and is too shaky to dial.

The driver of the parked (rental) car that opened the door is a young american tourist, accompanied by 2 friends, that will probably be booked for parking ON the sidewalk in a non-parking zone (where everyone parks) and catapulting the chain of events.

A 3rd car was massively damaged by the injured woman’s unwilling leap into.. it

Hello Frug!

frugstchronicles — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 12:09:25 +0000

From our headquarters at 23 Frug we are the voice of Frug.

This small street located in the heart of Tel Aviv (unknown even by half of them) has in the last couple of months witnessed some extraordinary events, which have consequently led us to undeniably conclude that Frug Street is in fact the parallel microcosmos of Planet Earth.

As such we, the newly appointed committee, have taken it upon ourselves to post semi-live coverage of this all important street and would like to start off by stating some of the highlighted events of the recent months:

The attempted stabbing of a burger delivery guy on a scooter by a presumably unsatisfied by his wife cab driver in front of building 30

The hostile takeover of the ‘I will fight over my unused parking spot till I die french hag’s penthouse by a production company filming channel 2′s new season of the famous TV series…

Building 19′s Friday night performance of: ‘Drunken father and son fight turned family feud rooftop extravaganza’ highlighted by ‘Squad car siren symphony’ screeching up the wrong side of the street at 2 a.m. and encored by the all favorite: ‘The cops have gone and done nothing so we will keep making baboon sounds till 5″

Today we begin a convenient coverage of ‘Frug Strasse’ (an affectionate term used by residents)

the Frug Street Chronicles Committee