Good recipes are hard to come by, but sometimes they appear all by themselves at a dinner party or through a mutual friend. Sometimes you can come across a good one on the street, as is the story brought to you here by the Frug Street Chronicle Committee Cooking Club’s Mr X of Gordon street.
Ingredients:
A car
A scooter (preferably in working condition but not a must)
A lockable handlebar on the scooter (if inoperable a steel link chain will suffice)
General disregard to neighbors (add an angry demeanor if one is available to you)
Directions:
When meaning to leave your house take both sets of keys (car and scooter) with you, if an extra set of hands is available to you, bring them along.
Remove your car from the parking spot you wish to reserve for a later time (leave your car running in the middle of the street while other cars honk for added zest). Now cleverly park your scooter in the middle of the vacant spot. Be sure to measure the distance between the two cars and the sidewalk so as not to leave any chance for a random neighbor to occupy it while you are gone.
Lock the scooter’s handlebar to make it virtually impossible for anyone to move it without circling back into the street creating a hazard. (In a lack of a lockable handlebar use the steel chain to lock the scooter’s wheels together making it impossible to roll back onto the sidewalk)
If any neighbors call you on it, you can threaten to key their car when you get back, chances are they will try to find a safer spot on a different street.
Now get in your car, drive off and leave the scooter simmering for up to 12 hours.
If at first you don’t succeed, try again.
First failures are not uncommon in complicated recipes, so if you return to find your scooter has been moved and your parking spot gone, leave a threatening note on the occupying car’s windshield. Explain in the note, in a condescending tone, that scooters have a legitimate right to park in the street like a car and that by touching and moving your vehicle they have illegally violated your private property. You can always spice the note up with a little ‘my scooter is now damaged since you moved it’ or ‘I am considering pressing charges against you’ or even a dash of ‘I have witnesses and photographic evidence of the event’. Each one of these will ensure that said neighbor will not touch your scooter again.
Enjoy.
